Main stress factors
To destress in this time we first need to realize what is the cause of it
- Money
- Relationships
- Children
- Business & Career
- Health
- Big external stuff (politics, climate, crime…)
- Too much to do
- I am not where I want to be
Question the stress to destress
Why do you stress about these things? You have a rigid idea how universe should be. Your life has been an attempt to control <something>. But you do not have control. You never had control. You will never have control. It is just a myth of control. It is a wonderful tool but only with knowing it is an illusion.
You don’t live a real life, you live an artificial life. This life is construed of your mental chatter. Mental models is a framework saying how we think the world works. Those two things create your matrix. This matrix was not created by any alien civilization but by yourself.
Change the meaning of the story
Even if it may seem that people are sometimes jerks, the true reality may creep up on us. The stupid guy who cut you in the traffic may just be a father desperately trying to get to his dying son. You don’t know what things mean until you find a private investigator. As you probably won’t do that it is easier to just choose, what that situation means.
Focus to destress
If you find yourself at any situation that you may find unpleasant you are using one or more of models of reality that don’t serve you. To destress you need to focus differently.
People generally spend too much energy on the 2-3 things that are wrong in their lives and don’t pay attention on the 200-300 things that are right. If you are reading this you are incredibly privileged. The problem is that you may not feel that you are. To fix this, think about the things that are good in your life and be grateful for them (ideally before you go to sleep). Now you think about the gratitude, feel the gratitude. That would be the first stage. The next one is to just be grateful as the things you may be grateful for may go away.
Good vs. Bad
If you can find a cause that is bigger than you are, that brings a greater good to a greater community, you will not just be living a mediocre existence.
Is there anything in your life that you thought at the time that was good but now when looking back you actually realized that it was a good thing? Well, knowing that, why would you be in such hurry to label things now? Ask: Is there any way that in certain amount of time this event will have a hugely positive impact on me?
Importance of goals
Goals are important but they are only important because they set the direction. You never do have the control over the outcome and you never will. It does not matter if you do not achieve the goal. It is not about achieving the goal, it is about how much you grow along the way. Give up the attachment to the outcome.
Einstein: The most important decision you can ever make is that the universe is friendly. Sometimes things work against you sometimes they work for you. But how can you actually tell? If the universe was your friend, it would give you exactly what you need. It may not be pleasant sometimes but it will be something you need.
Ask yourself many time on your life journey: Is this a journey I want to take? Is this a place where I want to spend time?
